Born To Rock & Roll

It’s Halloween and there’s no better day to talk about America’s greatest punk band, the Misfits.  And by the Misfits, we mean the entity that existed from 1977 to 1983.  Not the act that has been out there for the last 15 years or s0 – let’s be clear about that.  In short… no Danzig, no ‘Fits.  And no pun intended.

A quick history – the Misfits were formed, for all intents and purposes, by Glenn Anzalone and Jerry Caiafa in Lodi, NJ, in 1977.  Their first single, “Cough/Cool”, was recorded as a trio, with a Manny on drums along with the newly minted Glenn Danzig on vocals and electric piano and the rechristened Jerry Only on bass.  By the end of the year, Mr. Jim & Franche Coma joined on guitar and drums, respectively, and the keyboard went by the wayside.  The Static Age album was recorded in early ‘78 but wasn’t released until 1996 (a large chunk of it wound up on the Beware EP and the “Bullet” single over the next year or so, however, and then there’s the whole Legacy Of Brutality controversy, but that’s a story for another time).  By this time, Glenn had formed Plan 9 Records and, in true DIY style, the Misfits were a totally self-contained unit.  Jim & Franche were replaced by Bobby Steele and Joey Image, who stuck around for the “Horror Business” and “Night Of The Living Dead” singles, and both of these guys were replaced by Jerry’s teenaged brother Doyle (guitar) and Arthur Googy (drums) by the time the Three Hits From Hell EP was released in 1981.  The “Halloween” single and the Evilive EP followed, and the band’s first full-length LP, Walk Among Us, was released by Ruby/Slash in 1982.  Googy apparently quit the band around this time over not being allowed to get a second cheeseburger at McDonald’s, and Black Flag vet Robo took over the drum throne.  The ‘Fits’ final album, Earth A.D./Wolfsblood, was released in ‘83 and was fully immersed in hardcore/thrash, and then the wheels finally fell off when Robo left and the band imploded soon after at a show in Detroit that Halloween.  The Die, Die My Darling EP came out posthumously the following year, Glenn started Samhain (which evolved into Danzig), and the legend of the Misfits grew out of a myriad of limited edition colored vinyl releases, college radio shows, Thrasher Magazine articles, a coffin-shaped box set, and lots  and lots of t-shirts.

So without further ado, here’s this fiend’s 25 favorite Misfits tracks (with their preferred source in parenthesis).

25. “Where Eagles Dare” (Night Of The Living Dead):  “I ain’t no goddamn son of a bitch!” – a rallying cry if there ever was one.  A two minute slice of relentless punk energy, with a killer chorus and Danzig’s drawling “Let’s test your threshold of pain, let’s see how long you last” like some sort of demented,  sadistic Elvis.  Out of the approximately 5 dozen takes in circulation, we’ll take the original single version – that double-tracked pick slide four seconds in is one of the coolest things we’ve ever heard.

24. “Ghoul’s Night Out” (Three Hits From Hell): “Hell is where you wanna be, I feel the hell of you and me, it never goes away!”  Pretty heady stuff, and Glenn’s inimitable croon and what can only be described as a power pop-tastic chord progression conjures up images of holding hands, skipping along, and raising holy hell.

23. “Come Back” (Static Age): The slowest (and longest, at 5:00) song in their catalogue, this is the finest death-rockabilly torch song you’ll ever hear.  What’s really scary is that Danzig’s voice was this good right from the get-go.  But it’s Jerry Only’s slightly off-key, hypnotic bass lines that really give “Come Back” its momentum.

22. “20 Eyes” (Walk Among Us):  “When you’re seeing 20 things at a time, you just can’t slow things down, baby” – Googy’s galloping rhythm underpins this ode to having a bug face.

21. “Green Hell” (Earth A.D.):  Proto-speed metal with a chorus straight out of a Hell High School pep rally.

20. “Some Kinda Hate” (Static Age):  Something about copulating maggots in an iron lung (eh?), but Glenn whoa-whoa-whoa’s like a death-rock Dion here over a ’50s teen-dream riff on steroids.

19. “Demonomania” (Earth A.D.):  This forty-five second blast o’ thrash about being the offspring of a wolf and a whore is barely even a song.  So why is it here?  Because you, too, have never heard an opening lyric as cool as “Look upon me, I am the beast!”.  Their standard show-opener over the latter part of their career, usually prefaced with Jerry screaming “HERE IS WISDOM!” to kick it off.  And that beats “1-2-3-4!” any day of the week.

18. “Hybrid Moments” (Static Age):  More ’50s crooning over yet even more disturbing lyrical images.  But goddamn if it isn’t ear candy.  Danzig’s “Give me a moment!” pleas would almost be considered romantic if it wasn’t for that whole “creatures rape your face” bit in the first verse.  It’s always something.

17. “Night Of The Living Dead” (Evillive):  One of the great wordless choruses ever and the hilarious imagery of these zombies being “ripped up like Shredded Wheat”… we’ll take the Evilive version, complete with Jerry’s shouting along and Glenn’s “You missed, sucker!” audience taunt.  And that’s high praise, because the Misfits were, among other things, the world’s worst live band.

16. “Cough Cool” (Cough/Cool):  Their debut single and also one of their creepiest moments.  Ignore the Danzig-doctored version on Collection II – the lo-fi original, complete with jazzy rhythms and electric piano, is the one you want.  “Cover your face when you walk by”, indeed.

15. “Bullet” (Static Age):  Poetry about the JFK assassination and sex with Jackie O. set to bludgeoning New York punk riffing.  One of the ‘Fits’ most notorious tracks and, based on both lyrical and musical content, deservedly so.  We’d make fun of the “Jonathan F. Kennedy” line if we weren’t afraid of Glenn showing up and kicking our ass.  Onward and upward…

14. “I Turned Into A Martian” (Walk Among Us):  If there could ever be a single example of the classic Misfits formula, “I Turned Into A Martian” is it.  You’ve got your ’50s B-movie sci-fi imagery, you’ve got your “transformation with an urge to kill”, you’ve got your cool-as-fuck cocky/threatening vocal, and you’ve got enough “Whoa-oh-ohs” in the chorus for about a dozen Ronettes songs.

13. “Earth A.D.” (Earth A.D.):  The intro alone warrants inclusion in this list – a 12-second ballet of guitar and bass feedback before the hardcore maelstrom takes hold.  And you bet you’re life there’s gonna be a fight because the hills have eyes then you’re gonna die and you’re really gonna like it here in A.D.

12. “Skulls” (Walk Among Us):  In our book, the hallmark of a great song is that even Evan Dando can perform it acoustically and not ruin it.  “Skulls” meets that criteria.  A wistful ode to collecting human heads, cleaning them up, and mounting them for display.  As you do.

11. “Astro Zombies” (Walk Among Us):  “With a just touch of my burning hand, I’ll send my Astro Zombies to rape this land.  Prime directive:  exterminate the whole human race”.  Ah yes, Glenn as interstellar overlord.  “Astro Zombies” has all the ‘Fits’ trademarks in spades – an avalanche of a riff, whoa-whoaing out the yin-yang, some great screaming courtesy of Mr. Only, and yet another incongruously gorgeous Danzig vocal.

10. “Halloween”/”Halloween II” (Halloween):  “This day – anything goes!”  Holiday music, Misfits-style:  “Candy apples and razor blades”, “Dead cats hanging from poles”… trick or treat!  We’re lumping the b-side, “Halloween II”, in here as well since it’s basically the same song.  Except for the fact that the lyrics are in Latin (something about a dude metamorphosing into a werewolf, minus the beef chow mein) and the rhythm has been slowed down to a jerky shuffle that evokes imagery of dancing skeletons.  This is the one Misfits song that’s genuinely fucked up and legitimately scary.

9. “London Dungeon” (Three Hits From Hell):  A true tale of a British tour gone waaay wrong (based on – among other things – The Damned, skinheads, and jail).  A menacing bassline gives way to a cello-like guitar riff that invokes nothing less than, well, Darth Vader.  Musically, it’s an exercise in controlled fury;  vocally, Glenn is at the apotheosis of his “Evil Elvis”.  Not to mention the lesson in personal hygiene – “make sure your face is clean, now – can’t have no dirty dead!”  Remember to drink your Ovaltine, too, kids!

8. “Angelfuck” (Static Age):  Another ’50s-styled love song featuring a heady blend of compassion and sadism.  Clocking in at barely over a minute and a half, it features more great vocal moments than most bands achieve in their entire careers.

7. “Children In Heat” (Horror Business):  Now we’re entering the home stretch.  Who knows what this one’s about (“they all change their names to Chicago”?)… it doesn’t really matter – “Children In Heat” has enough distinctly melodic sections to qualify as a two-minute punk rock mini-opera.  Between Joey Image’s ferocious drumming, Bobby Steele’s relentless down-stroking, the “ghosts” screaming in the background (this was recorded in a ‘haunted house’, according to the liner notes.  Supposedly, Jerry brought then-recently-departed Sid Vicious’ mom along to the session, too), and a Danzig screaming/crooning/drawling vocal for the ages… “Children In Heat” is just absolutely fucking tremendous.  No resistance, indeed.

6. “Teenagers From Mars” (Horror Business):  Make “Children In Heat” even cooler and you’ve got “Teenagers From Mars”.  A “‘B’ Film born-invasion” if there ever was one.  “Take your weak resistance and throw it in your face”… “We need no introduction, no visas or carte blanche”… “We want, we need, we’ll take it”… “And we don’t care”!

5. “We Are 138″ (Static Age):  It might be about THX-1138 or it might just be about “violence” (Danzig’s explanation), but this tale of murderous androids is a flat-out Misfits classic.  Repeating the titular phrase seemingly ad infinitum, “138″ builds a ferocious head of steam that, after the greatest two-note guitar solo you’ll ever hear, transforms into something positively feral and lethally cool.  As Henry Rollins showed us on Evilive, all you can do is just scream along.

4. “All Hell Breaks Loose” (Walk Among Us):  Arthur Googy’s tribal drumbeat propels this tale of “broken bodies in a death rock dancehall”, “murdergrams”, and “monster kids” which builds and modulates and builds and modulates and builds and modulates until you’re whole world’s breaking loose.  Era-defining music in less than two minutes.

3. “Die, Die My Darling” (Die, Die My Darling):  This Walk Among Us-era outtake served as the Misfits’ epitaph when it was eventually released in 1984.  A relentless, brutally repetitive riff with some Stooges-esque Morse code feedback lays you out, and Danzig’s repeated “I’ll be seeing you again… I’ll be seeing you in hell” makes for a very fitting farewell.  As does the mantra of “DIE! DIE! DIE! – DIE! DIE! DIE!”

2. “Last Caress” (Static Age):  Glenn Danzig’s declaration of intent, in all it’s baby-killin’, mother-rapin’ glory (and proof-positive that he has a sense of humor and it’s just as twisted as, well, pretty much everything else he’s ever done… we hope).  And when the first verse repeats and Joey Image starts beating the ride cymbal with an inch of its life and then the music stops and Glenn intones “Come sweet death….. ONE LAST CARESS!” – that’s just pure, timeless rock & roll greatness in all its dramatic, demented glory.

And the greatest Misfits song of all time?

1. “Horror Business” (Horror Business):  “Psycho ‘78!  Twelve o’clock, don’t be late!”  It takes a very talented songwriter to come up with an effortlessly catchy chorus.  It takes a great band to make it musically effective.  And when that chorus consists of nothing but a simple three-chord riff and repeated shouts of “I’m warning you – I’ll put a knife right in you!” and it’s probably the greatest chorus you’ve heard – ever – by anyone?  That’s why it’s still being talked about thirty years after it was recorded, and that’s why the Misfits were a great fucking band.  R.I.P.

Be sure to check out One Thirty Eight.com and Misfits Central for all your Misfits needs.  Happy Halloween!